How to Ruin Your Last Semester of College before It Even Begins

As you near the end of an era, and as you are faced with making a decision about the rest of your life read The Sun Also Rises. This book, while affording you bursts of catharsis, will destroy your ambition by pointing out its fruitlessness. Taking the attitudes of the book inside yourself, you will realize that you will never be happy with your achievements. Once you graduate, get that job, meet that person who should love you, you will want something different. Something more. You may even decide that you are tortured by a Jake Barnes, and that, like Brett, your relationship with him was doomed the moment you met. None of these things are healthy or productive things to think about when you should be reading appendix B of The Chicago Manual of Style.