Perhaps this is all just because I'm reading Rebecca…

Marital intimacy frightens me.

I don't mean physical intimacy, either. I mean my silly triumphs, stupid fantasies, strange compulsions, and secret terrors lying naked in front of some other person. I mean letting someone inside me—deep inside the parts of my psyche where I rarely admit myself.

Why doesn't this seem to scare some of the marriage-hungry students I rub shoulders with every day? Is my brain really more twisted than other girls'? Or, am I overestimating the marital relationship? Maybe husbands and wives do have parts they hide from each other. Maybe marriages last into the eternities with each partner holding back the a few little hurtful or humiliating thoughts.

I fear that if I did not tell him consciously, I would betray myself while I dreamed.