On being a single female relative.
As I like to exclaim many times while reading Jane Austen, the world hasn’t changed very much in two hundred years. For example, ever since I turned sixteen, I am the one called to attend when a relative is sick. My aunt and uncle did take me to Mexico as a reward for one such fulfillment of duty, but still. One of my male cousins is certainly more independent and probably more capable, but he easily refused to spend a week ‘beside a bed of pain’—no guilt-trip-of-the-century calls from North Carolina for him. And I’m feeling guilty about feeling annoyed, for the real reason I don’t want to help this time is because my grandfather might die. And even though I said a couple months ago that I thought I could handle watching someone die better than last time, I don’t want to test that theory. I don’t really want to discover my real potential through adversity—sorry, God, you’ve got the wrong woman.
It’s also hard to watch a strong, brilliant professor become an infirm, confused eighty-year-old. Because that’s what he’ll be like if he survives the surgery, at least for a while. And if he dies I’ll have to be strong for his wife. I became hysterical at my bishop’s viewing! How could I handle seeing Grandpa dead? Arranging the funeral? Guiding the paramedics through a maze of antique junk to his body?
Plus I’ve got to memorize a whole bunch of maps of Encinitas and San Diego so I can drive confidently. In a car with a pillow on the seat so I can see over the dashboard.
But why am I complaining? What am I here for if not to help as many people as I can? Isn’t that what I say I want?
It’s also hard to watch a strong, brilliant professor become an infirm, confused eighty-year-old. Because that’s what he’ll be like if he survives the surgery, at least for a while. And if he dies I’ll have to be strong for his wife. I became hysterical at my bishop’s viewing! How could I handle seeing Grandpa dead? Arranging the funeral? Guiding the paramedics through a maze of antique junk to his body?
Plus I’ve got to memorize a whole bunch of maps of Encinitas and San Diego so I can drive confidently. In a car with a pillow on the seat so I can see over the dashboard.
But why am I complaining? What am I here for if not to help as many people as I can? Isn’t that what I say I want?
posted by Bethylene at 11:04
4 Comments:
Yikes...I don't know how I would handle it. The last time I was at a funeral I was like...three. My grandpa died a few years ago, but he was cremated and there wasn't a ceremony or anything. He didn't want one. So he just kind of died and that was the end of it. I didn't know him well enough to really and truly mourn, which is sad, really.
I didn't know that about LotR. I can't say that I'm exactly a huge fan of Tolkien, mainly because I haven't READ anything by him. After I saw the LotR movie I tried to read it and the differences really threw me off. So I kinda just gave up on that. Oh well!
Yikes, that sounds really challenging, Beth. It's always so easy to think you're ready for a huge challenge or THE person to extend a helping hand when in the safety and comfort of Normal Life. I suspect we'll both have moments like this as missionaries ("WHAT? I signed up for this???"). Good luck, and remember I'm always here for inane distractions or a listening ear.
I can tell you first hand that San Diego has been gorgeous this past week. I am almost tempted to request orders to Camp Pendleton. Then I remember that I am in California and I refuse to stay longer than I must.
I am truly sorry to hear about your Grandfather. Neither of mine were very accomplished professionally or proficient academically, but I have always wished to have just another couple of years to learn from them... Both were truly great men, in their own right. Raising the families they did, and those families raising my sis and me. Well, they might not take credit (blame) for me. Grandpa Lynn left suddenly and I still remember how strange it was to stand over him at the viewing. I was in high school and acting tough, but it was painful. Grandpa Clarence, who would be angered by me even referring to him as 'Clarence', just slipped away and my Auntie found him later on. I came up with other things to do so I wouldn't have to attend any services.
I guess the reason I am going on and on is that I am really jealous of the time you may still have with that Generation. I cannot accurately stress the importance of our generation retaining the knowledge of those that went before, and you have another opportunity to be a part of that. I strenuouslybr/>> suggest you take full advantage on that point alone. When the family/ love/ compassion parts are brought to bear, you HAVE TO go.
Are you a Tolkeinite? I never would have thought...
I totally ruined that tag, didn't I?
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